Alright [sometime later, I hope], I'll start with a suggestion about the ongoing concern of keeping your health care directive information current enough so it will actually be useful if and when the unfortunate time comes for it to be put to use. I mean, if your designated agents no longer have the phone numbers set forth in those documents, how will medical personnel contact them for urgent decisions that could mean life or death? You can certainly update those paper documents when important information changes - and you should review and refresh them every 8-10 years anyhow, because how much about our lives remains static that long? Still, in the age of technology, there ought to be a higher-tech way to keep those arrangements more current and available to the people who might need to consult them. And there is, at least for those of you with smartphone technology. Try this link and see whether any of these options seem worth pursuing: https://www.elderlawanswers.com/keeping-your-emergency-contacts-and-medical-information-updated-for-first-responders-18904?

Many of the issues I mention arise from actual situations I've dealt with, and one of them these days is the sadness that clients express about the lack of interest their families have in their treasured belongings. No one seems to want their "brown furniture" or other family mementoes, and they're heart-broken that a part of their family history will be lost if those items are simply auctioned off or unceremoniously disposed of. But what can they do, they ask, if no one is interested in preserving that family history? After hearing that lament enough times, I've decided that "storytelling" is the answer. Here's an example from my own family: I have a glass front secretary that was first owned by my great great great grandparents. It's a nice piece, but not fancy or eye-catching and probably not worth much money. The story, though, is that one night my hard-working ancestor heard a noise from the front room and got up to see what was going on. He discovered that one of his farm hands who had seen where his wages were coming from, was chiseling out the lock on the secretary's drawer to take off with the family's savings - after all, there weren't any banks in rural Illinois in the 1840's. When surprised, the intruder skedaddled and was never seen again, but at least the family's nest egg remained intact. To this day, that drawer still has the lock chiseled out. OK, so maybe that's not like having the desk where the Gettysburg Address was written, but maybe that story would make enough of an impression on a grandchild to want that secretary - so he/she could tell the story to the next generation of descendants. It was enough to sell me on keeping it. Not every piece has a story like that, but I bet the real jewels of the family do. We just need to make sure those stories are written down - or recorded in your own voice - and passed along to the right offspring. You'll know who they are.

Another consequence of modern life is that medical advances will keep many of us alive beyond our mental capacities to manage our own affairs. We've all had family members or friends who got to the point where they were no longer "with it" enough to handle their finances or keep their grandchildren straight - or to do necessary estate planning. I see many clients who are right on that cusp of competency, and I have to assess whether they've waited too long or can still make rational judgments about their wishes. What I'm getting at here is, if you see those dark clouds on the horizon for someone you care about, don't wait too long to be somewhat insistent that they get their affairs in order - and then keep following up with them until the job gets done. Nothing is more tragic for me than to have to tell someone - or a child or grandchild - that they've waited too long to make the plans they really need. At that point the only alternative may be a judicial guardianship, which is a terrible process to put a person through at that vulnerable time in life.

I also hear frequent questions about whether someone should designate a professional trustee - lawyer, trust company, professional fiduciary - to handle the management and distribution of their trust assets once they're gone. Among other important factors, I always ask whether they have one or more children or another relative who's a reasonable, level-headed adult and can get along well with the other family members likely to be involved. If so, and if that person has the time to devote to the work, I sometimes suggest a conversation with the likely candidate to discuss the considerable challenges involved in serving in that important role. That may discourage them, but if not, the choice may be a good one. Family members know the individual players, can often be more responsive than institutional trustees to distribution requests (without needing to get a committee's approval), and won't charge large fees in situations where the economics of the family can't justify the cost. Nevertheless, even if professional advice is required because of the nature or size of the assets - a significant collection of artwork or complicated investment holdings, for example - professionals can always be hired for those specific purposes, but then can also be replaced if their performance isn't timely, responsive or up to par. And I'll be the first to admit that if you don't like the job your lawyer is doing for you, it's easier to take your file elsewhere than to convince a court to remove him or her as an actual trustee.

You've probably noticed that more people are requesting cremation as their final plan, and people often ask where their ashes may be dispersed. The good news is that there's no New Hampshire statute that imposes specific restrictions. So, you can certainly take advantage of your own property for that purpose, and you can also likely use public property, as well, as long as it's not an area regularly accessed by others. In other words, not in your local park, but perhaps some distance off a favorite hiking trail. The ocean is likely to be an acceptable resting place, but not right along the shoreline, and public lakes where swimming and fishing are common are surely out, though probably often used nevertheless. Needless to say, dropping your ashes over Fenway Park is out (darn!) - it's not only someone else's private property, but would be deemed a health hazard for the fans - sort of like the team itself at this point.

Finally this time, I'll mention one more troublesome decision - though maybe you should have waited to read all this until January, so it wouldn't bum you during an otherwise great summer of fun in the sun (and check that SPF!). This is concerning what to do about that family member who's not living up to his, her - or your - expectations and whom you're thinking of leaving out of your estate plan altogether. My hope is that you'll find a way not to do that, and here's one idea: carefully prescribed trust provisions. If you're concerned that a loved one may have a substance abuse, gambling, marital or general spendthrift problem that would cause any financial assistance from you to be gone in 60 seconds, then instead of leaving them out entirely, consider putting that assistance in an ongoing trust share for the troubled individual. Then, designate another cooperative family member - or an independent trustee, if necessary - to manage, use and distribute the share for the vulnerable soul until the storm clouds pass, just as you might do yourself if still around. This is one situation where trying to direct things from the grave can have real benefit, rather than just branding you as a control freak. And you can add as much supplemental guidance outside of the official document as you may want, to explain your reasons for these arrangements or to describe how to carry out your wishes.